Remember, my children. "We are born for wonder, for joy, for hope, for love, to marvel at the mystery of existence, to be ravished by the beauty of the world, to seek truth and meaning, to acquire wisdom, and by our treatment of others to brighten the corner where we are." - Dean Koontz

I've noticed something, and it is both painful and grotesque to me. Grammar has all but disappeared from the English lexicon, particularly the SOUTHERN English lexicon. What ever happened to the days of using verbs and proper nouns, actually using subjects in our speech rather than improper references? I suppose these have gone the way of "Please," "Thank You," " Pardon," and "Excuse me." And we have begun allowing ourselves to accept that this is how people speak. We say, well it is their dialect, their education, or their heritage that causes the to speak in such a manner, but I'm afraid that isn't so.

My Mother grew up in Arkansas, my father in Alabama, neither one of them ever had the issues I confront on a near daily basis with people who are simply too lazy to use their language properly to its fullest and most awesome effect. Most people don't realize how useful English can be, how descriptive and how broad the language is. Obviously it is becoming more and more dominant, China will be the number one English speaking country in the world in the next five years. So why torture and be lazy with the language the rest of the world is speaking? It only creates new fault lines and harder language barriers than any one can imagine, a world divided by a common language. It isn't simply the British English versus American English debate anymore, America is the center of the English speaking world, for now, and therefore is a beacon to the language and linguistic character of it. When we offer examples of the language we never show the "ebonics" speakers, or the southern yokles, but instead (and typically) we introduce those from Wyoming, Nebraska, and Oregon. They have little to no accent, their language, while not perfect, is unfettered and unobstructed by dialect and accented marking. It is easier for foreigners learning the language to understand them.

Now, you wonder where I am going with this rant, n'est-ce pas? The other day, I was in queue at the market and the man ahead of me apparently had forgotten to get some milk. He turned and asked the HEB Traffic Director (you know, the one who tells everyone what queue to enter?) "Where the meyulk?" ... The Advice Queen in me nearly burst out with "No, Where IS the milk?" but he probably would have just agreed with me or looked at me as to why I repeated his obviously well formed question. This kind of sheer lack of whatever you want to call it, be it education or raising, is both alarming and pathetic. An entire culture has not learned to appreciate its language heritage. Trust me, even the guys at the top of Enron never EVER spoke in such a way. They were from Texas but their language was clear and concise for the area they grew up in. But this is only the first part of my gripe...

The other, going back to the world learning English, is PARENTS WHO USE THEIR CHILDREN AS TRANSLATORS! Jesus Christ on a crutch, this gets me pissed off. It makes me wonder, who is the parent and who is the child, because seriously that is not the role of a child to translate between two languages for a parent who refuses to learn a language. I don't care where you grew up, who you are, what you did or did not have, what boundaries faced you, or if you had to fight your way tooth and nail swimming through shark infested waters to get here, you do not exploit your child as an easy way around the English language barrier. Learn the basics and once you are able to use them the other parts will fall into place. You think you were born speaking your native language, or I mine? NO, we learned the basics and filled in the gaps. It only takes a modicum of energy and anyone can do it. I am tired of seeing these five year old children having to struggle to translate in their still forming brains between the two languages so that their mother or father can find whatever it is they need. Yesterday is when the shit hit the fan for me, a little boy asking what time they could start buying beer for the day. SERIOUSLY? Of course, apparently from my nicely tanned skin, I get asked if I speak spanish, or people just walk up and prattle off some concourse in spanish about something or another. I just look them in the eye, and in my clearest sweetest voice I say "No asuma que hablo espanol apenas porque usted es demasiado perezoso utilizar ingles, y para usted, no hablo espanol." It throws them off, pisses them off, but whatever, it is true. Don't be so fuckin lazy as to have to depend on everyone else because one day you will find yourself in a situation with someone who speaks no spanish and you'll be stuck... sucks eh?

I know today I sounded cruel and what not but I am tired of my languages being abused by people who do not and can not use them correctly. I am going to say the one thing that all p.c. people are never supposed to say. "LEARN THE LANGUAGE OR DON'T BOTHER COMING OVER!" The end.

I lay in bed until 1030 this morning, reading a book by Ann Tyler called "Saint Maybe" and I began thinking how much in my life I blame myself for.

Do you ever have those thoughts that come across you years after an incident and you still have the same burn of embarrassment or shame come across your face? You know there is no reason for it and you know that whatever it was is completely over with and forgotten and yet you beat yourself up about it.

I think it all comes from learning true self forgiveness.

I will try not to get too preachy this morning, my children, but I think this is a necessary topic. Forgiving yourself. A while back I posted a blog on my website called Forgetting is the Start of Healing, but I don't think that is always the case. Forgiving then allowing yourself to forget is the start of healing. I don't take back my words of advice but I think I should expand upon them and allow a wider interpretation for what it takes to reach some form of self peace.

I have been having some issues lately with peace and trying to find it again, I have become unsettled and a little ticky and nervous, I fly off the handle and I don't really know why. I think I have found some of it. There are parts of me I am not willing to face, to forgive, and to get rid of. I needed to talk to someone... I called my Rabbi. He taught me a valuable lesson and I would like to share it with you and maybe make it more Advice Queenly and less Rabbinical, while his answer is very profound and helpful to me, it is also deeply religious and speaks of the Jewish faith, which some are not ready to open up to, faith, the lesson can be taught in any number of ways.

We must first seek to break our chain of suppression, he called this Anti-Suppressant, in which we allow ourselves to suppress not only blame but all of our feelings of good or bad, right or wrong. We live without DEFINITE EXACTING lines of what is and isn't right, we have to guess and while we know that many of the things we do are or are not right, we feel pulled between justification and suppression of the deeper ones. We must learn to face our fears, our wrongs, and our burdens and hold them out to ourselves to be judged, not hidden away to eat at our souls.

Next we must say it out loud to ourselves. But out loud... Spoken not thought because as an intelligent, thinking, imaginative being, human beings have all sorts of thoughts flashing constantly through their minds. Even thoughts of remorse and self-improvement are not strange to us, but they do not last. In order for our feelings to have any worth, for our actions to have any resolution, for our thoughts to have any meaning we must put them to words and speak them because the process of thought comes together and works better when our ideas are expressed and clarified.

That is not as easy as it sounds. It is usually excruciatingly difficult for people to admit without faltering in the completeness of it that they have done wrong. We excuse ourselves. We refuse to admit the truth. We shift blame. We deny the obvious. We excel at rationalizing. It is when you absolutely face the unpleasant truth we have indeed begun to free ourselves from our inner demons. To put it in a phrase I used in a paper once, when we take our pyx of worry and have communion with our demons, it is then we begin to feel better.

Finally when we have spoken everything, identified where our burdens are, we must then begin the inner dialogue that allows for self forgiveness. Once we forget the blame and just accept that we did something wrong, once we allow ourselves to move past whatever eats at us still, and when we finally stop denying that there is something wrong, we begin to feel better. We come to terms that yes we did something wrong but that was in the past, we are better than that now and while we don't absolve ourselves of it, we do see that we are allowed to move on past that wrong and learn from it. We won't beat ourselves up over it anymore, we won't torture ourselves or lessen our future awareness either. We allow ourselves to say that was the past, this is my future and move into it knowing we will still have some things we do wrong but hopefully we are able to think more clearly and concisely about what exactly it is we are thinking.

Sorry I got so preachy and deep but I think today is a good day to begin thinking about these things. I hope this reaches you my dedicated few who do listen, and remember

I love you all for now, but who knows about later...

I'm the brown haired guy when it comes to twitter and all that shit... I THINK IT IS ALL A BIG PILE OF CRAP... IF YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU ARE DOING BECAUSE NO ONE IS ASKING THEN PERHAPS IT IS TIME TO STOP PLAYING World of Warcraft AND Final Fantasy AND Dungeons and Dragons AND Magic AND ACTUALLY GO OUT INTO THE FUCKING WORLD AND MAKE SOME DAMN FRIENDS...



There is a reason why what we crave is called human contact. Because we need to connect to other people on a regular basis. Sooooooooo we create these false worlds where truly we don't matter but we would like to think we do and that makes us feel a little better. Only problem with that is we are becoming more distanced from our every day contacts and connections with real live people and more dependent on surrogate socialization to fulfill our needs to feel wanted and loved and connected to individuals.

People use twitter to shout out their plain boring lives to everyone who will read it. Sometimes it is simply to just say "look what I'm doing" or "hey, notice me" but it is all a pathetic search for attention. These twits (hehehehehehehe) overload themselves and their world with mundane boring things hoping someone will actually care instead of physically going out, being amongst people, getting to know them, and developing relationships with people outside the twittersphere.

I, myself, already use myspace and facebook and while I don't make it a constant contact thing it is nice knowing that if I want to contact a friend of mine I certainly can, but I prefer to do most of my interacting in real life. At school some of the other people get shocked when I tell them i don't normally add people I know. They think it is because I am some kind of reclusive hermit. This isn't the case though. If I am going to see you at least once a week I am more than likely not going to add you onto any social site that offers so much less than the interaction I can get in real life with you. I add people I haven't seen in a long time, or perhaps now live a distance away from, because it is harder to see them. That's why I myspace. I do not twitter because I don't need to constantly be in the know of what everyone else is doing at any given moment of the day. I am pretty sure that if I really wanted to know what they were doing I could just call and ask them, or go see them and ask them... My social contacts are always people I know in real life and I prefer to keep it that way.

I'm not trying to portray myself as high and mighty and better than thou because I don't use twitter, I just don't see the need in being in the know 24/7 about things that are just pointless to know. I prefer to get my updates on my friends from them live, not from some website or what have you. I like knowing that I can connect with them, but only on my terms, not on the use terms and agreement of some imaginary world where everyone is up in everyone else's grill. With that said...

I love you all for now... but who knows about later... to find out about later, how about you call, text, or come see me...

Ok SERIOUSLY? Seriously? sheesh...

Gillybear and I went to HEB to pick up a few necessary items for homemade pizza and movie night... you know, pizza fixins' and such, and I kid you not I ran into at least nine bears there.

What the heck? Was it bear shopping day? We would go aisle by aisle and there would be a new couple, or a single one browsing... I felt like we were being stalked by the hairy army of Austin or something. A few of them I know but many I didn't, and I didn't really say anything to them. Just kept going, eyes forward, looking for pizza parts. You don't incite the bears, they talk forever cause they are super friendly, you end up explaining pizza and movie night, they make it a theme party, invite forty other guys and there... HAHAHA, nah I just didn't feel very social.

but still SHEESH ALL MIGHTY what was going on? It was a big hairy fur fest at the HEB near my house. I just... can't... explain.... it's like I missed the dang memo or something. Eh, who knows?

well... in just a few more days I will be releasing the first webisode of my new podcast, "The Advice Queen Speaks." I just wanted to let everyone know where I have been hiding and what I was doing in my time. It's been a busy last month, and sooo much has been changing that it is hard for me to keep up with all my online pursuits. Thanks for your patience kids.

So sorry it's been such a while since I posted, kids. Mama's computer has some serious issues that need to get fixed. I won't be posting again until then, so about another week. Thanks for your patience.

SOOOOOO Angelina Muthafuckin' Jolie came into my damn sturbicks today and it was FABULOUS... she has been here a couple times the last few days.

Brad is filming a new movie two blocks away in Tarrytown and it is just fabulous for work. So... yay

fill this out and leave it in my comments

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
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2) What was your dream growing up?
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3) What talent do you wish you had?
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4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
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5) Favorite vegetable?
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6) What was the last book you read?
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7) What zodiac sign are you?
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8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
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9) Worst Habit?
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10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
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11) What is your favorite sport?
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12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
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13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
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14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
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15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
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16) Do you have any pets?
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17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
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18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
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19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
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20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
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21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
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22) What color eyes do you have?
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23) Ever been arrested?
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24) Bottle or can soda?
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25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
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27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
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28) Do you believe in ghosts?
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29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
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30) Do you swear a lot?
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31) Biggest pet peeve?
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32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
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33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
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35) Do you believe in God?
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36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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Hey my LiveJournal Peeperonis...

Mama is going to take a short hiatus. It is becoming a bit harder these days for me to focus and post regularly. I am finishing up the expansion on the 20 rules which I will begin with posting number four soon, I promise you that much. Plus I have begun working harder on my story, Living Behind the Wires. It is becoming a good short book for me now so I have got to keep working on it as long as I feel drawn to the project. I apologize for my shortness in posting but I will be back soon and of course I will continue reading all of my friend's postings to keep up with them. Thanks bunches babies and remember

I love you for now but who knows about later...